Sample essay for TOEFL independent writing, 에세이 이용하여 독립형 작문하기

Essay topic

■ It is better to have friends who are fun to hang out with than to have friends who are helpful. Do you agree or disagree?

 

Here is the entire essay below. The highlighted portions with light green are template format. So, you can take this example to write your essay with ease. Let's read and use it.

 

<Introduction>

As everything in life is like a coin that has two different sides, people must weigh the pros and cons before jumping to conclusions. After all, each and every topic or question requires careful deliberation in that there are always multiple variables to the truth. Even though some may adamantly believe that it is better to have friends who are fun to hang out with than it is to have friends who are helpful. I strongly think that such an opinion lacks coherence to some extent. In my humble opinion, if push comes to shove, people should prioritize friends who are willing to give a hand during hardships over those who are only concerned about having fun for the following reasons.

 

<1st paragraph>

First and foremost, the majority of individuals would agree with the notion that surrounding oneself with helpful people will engender a myriad of advantages. The main reason behind this rationale is that life is full of obstacles and hardships that require people to act in content with one another, meaning that having reliable peers in crucial. In addition to this, friends should be able to rely on each other in order to have long-lasting friendships that stand the test of time. To illustrate more thoroughly, my older brother Joe is currently operating a trendy clothing store in South Korea with one of his best friends from high school. He and his friend decided to open up a store together since they both had an opportunity to work part-time at the same restaurant when they were juniors in high school. The owner of the restaurant that they worked in asked if one of them would be willing to take a year off before going to university to help him set up a new clothing store. My brother told me that his best friend really wanted to jump at this opportunity since his mother had been sick for quite some time and he was already thinking about forgoing college to start making money as soon as possible. My brother noticed that his friend wanted to ask him if he would help, but he also sensed some reluctance. Thus, my brother decided to tell him that he's willing to start his freshman year in college a year later to lend a helping hand. Fortunately, the clothing store is a huge hit and they really pulled it off. For the past few months, the store averaged thirty thousand dollars in sales and was able to leave a pretty large profit margin. My brother is currently attending classes in university and his best friend is happily operating the clothing store full-time while giving my brother a piece of the revenue every month. In my point of view, their friendships are going to last until the day they die and my brother is currently reaping all of the benefits of the sacrifice he made for his friend. All in all, we can't and shouldn't overlook the upsides of surrounding oneself with helpful friends.

 

<2nd paragraph>

On top of this, having too many friends who are fun to be around can result in unfavorable ramifications. In the eyes of many people in present-day society, mingling with a large number of entertaining people can become a big source of distraction that prevents us from paying attention to more important things. Moreover, friends who are only concerned about leisure and fun always come and go depending on the circumstances. A great example of this would be peer pressure. Teenagers in high school are especially susceptible to peer pressure, which has destroyed the lives of countless youngsters in our generation. Adolescents undergoing puberty are terribly worried about how they are perceived by others and sometimes go to extremes to be accepted by "the cool kids". This is precisely why so many convenient store clerks ask for identification when selling cigarettes and there's a "hall of shame" in almost every liquor store. In other words, bad friends adulterate the kids they spend time with and thus should be avoided if possible. Since such is the case, parents are infamous for telling their children to pick their friends wisely, a suggestion that most young kids don't fully understand. Hence, at first, most teens wind up wanting to be around the more rebellious and seemingly mature crowd in school. I'm sure we've all seen at least a handful of news articles pertaining to underage alcohol consumption and illegal drug use in public middle and high schools. In other situations, which may be deemed trivial, students play hooky and deliberately miss deadlines for school assignments since they're so occupied with playing games or hanging out with friends. If friends weren't capable of having a negative impact on one another, every single high school student would be the valedictorian of their respective high schools and prestigious universities wouldn't exist. In a nutshell, it's clear as day to me that having too many friends who are fun to be around can be detrimental.

 

<Conclusion>

In summation, yes, it's virtually impossible to provide a completely satisfying answer to an open-ended question. Although the jury may be on this given essay topic, we can come to a mutual agreement that it is better to have friends who are helpful mostly due to the reasons and details mentioned above.

 

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<Introduction explanation>

첫번째 Introduction 부분입니다. 밑줄 쳐져 있는 부분들은 Template 형식이므로, 본인의 스타일에 맞게 변형해서 사용하시면 됩니다. 저는 항상 이 Template을 고수하면서 사용했습니다. 주제를 던지기에 가장 효율적이라고 생각했거든요. 위의 글에서도 보시면 저자의 의견과 반대되는 의견을 Even though~ 를 통해서 먼저 제시해주고, 그 다음에 저자의 의견을 제시해 줍니다.

또한 관계대명사 표현을 알아두면 좋을 것 같습니다.

I have a friend.

The friend is helpful

 

이라는 두 문장이 있을 때, friend라는 공통적인 명사가 있으니, 이를 중복하지 않으면서 두 문장을 연결시켜주는 접속사 역할을 하는 대명사가 관계대명사라고 생각하시면 될 것 같습니다.

 

I have a friend + The friend is helpful

= I have a friend who is helpful.

 

여기서 앞의 friend를 선행사라고 하는데, 선행사가 사물이냐 사람이냐에 따라서 관게대명사의 형태가 달라지고 또한 그 수에 따라 뒤에 관계대명사 동사의 수일치 또한 해주셔야 합니다. 관계대명사에 대한 문법적인 내용은 문법책에서 조금 보충하여 공부하시면 유용하게 사용하실 수 있어요. 관계대명사를 쓰는 게 좋은 점이 어떤 상황이나 주제,주장, 표현을 하고 싶을 때 구체적으로 말을 할 수 있다는 점이예요. 그러면 어떤 표현을 할 때 되게 구성이 풍성해지고 구체적으로 언급할 수 가있어요.

 

저는 주로, 주장에 대한 근거를 들 때 저의 실제 상홍에 대한 언급을 많이했는데요, 학교를 어디 다녔고 그 학교가 어디에 있었다~ 이런 말들이요.

 

I graduated from university

라고 '나는 대학교를 졸업했다' 이 말만 하는 것과 

I graduated from university, which is located in Seoul, the capital of South Korea. 

이런식으로 한국의 수도인 서울에 위치한 대학을 졸업했다. 이렇게 하나를 표현할 때도 구체적으로 하고자 했어요. 여기서 관계대명사의 용법이라던지, 부사, 분사 등등에 관련된 지식들은 본인이 좀 더 추가적으로 공부해야하는 부분이라고 생각합니다. 그것이 어렵다면, 이렇게 Essay를 통해서 어떤 식으로 사용이 되었는지 반복적으로 보면서 숙달시키는 방법이 있겠네요.

 

<1st paragraph explanation>

첫번째 문단에서는 예시를 들어 준 부분에 대해서 이야기해보면 좋을 것 같습니다. 여기서 보면 어떠한 예시를 들 때, 구체적인 사례에 대해서 들었어요. 내 형 Joe에 대한 이야기를 했는데, 이렇게 어떤 실제 사례나 또는 지어내더라도 personal한 사례를 드는 것이 좋은 방법 같습니다. (물론 주제와 match가 되야겠죠) 예전에는 어떤 연구나 설문조사의 사례를 예시로 드는 경우도 많았다고 하는데, 요새는 그렇게 하면 점수가 잘 안나온다고 합니다. 저도 마찬가지로 실제로 친구, 동생, 사촌 등등을 돌아가면서 주제에 맞는 사례들로 작성했습니다.

 

<2nd paragraph explanation>

두번째 문단은 다소 예시들이 좀 어려울 수 있을 것 같습니다. 문장을 읽어보면서 이렇게 예시를 들며 글을 이어나갈 수 있구나 정도로 생각해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 이 Sample essay의 경우에 거의 만점에 가까운 Essay니깐, 혹시 너무 어렵더라도 자책하지 않으셨으면 합니다. 저도 읽어보면서 어렵습니다..ㅠㅠ

 

<Conclusion explanation>

마무리는 딱히 길게 쓸 필요없이 Template을 써주고 그 다음에 본인의 주장을 간략한 문장으로 마무리 해주시면 좋을 것 같네요. 결론 문단은 꼭 필요한 것은 아니지만, 적어줄 경우에 글의 완성도가 높고 구성이 탄탄해지는 장점이 있는 것 같아요. Template이 큰 비중을 차지하고 본인의 의견만 간단하게 적어도 되니 수월하게 작성 가능하리라 생각합니다.